I got these for V-Day...I guess, I should just enjoy it, instead of trying to decipher the subtext or the sender's intentions... I mean I do appreciate the gesture, and the though behind it, I am just not sure if I feel the same way about the sender. But in a way it's nice... And it looks like the gay florist was exercising some erotic creativity there when he was arranging the penis, I mean flowers. Haha...

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day to everyone. May you get to have mindblowing, earth shaterring sex, and may you get to spend it with the one you love and the one that loves you, hopefully the same person. But if you are not so lucky, have fun anyway and be safe. Just don't get any VD (venereal disease) on V-Day 😉

P.S.
Since I am a firm believer in fairness and equality, quid pro quo, give and take. Here's a present from me...from the bottom of my heart 🙂

In my line of work, clients are the fucking forbidden fruit. Aaaah, fricken rules of professional conduct and cold hard bitch of a code of professional responsibility...I obviously fucking chose you that's why I am gonna be on my bed alone tonight instead of enjoying events that could lead to hot sweaty dirty sex with a certain blue eyed, tall, athletic and muscular client...

Sometimes it seems like this life is a sadistic bitch with a twisted sense of humor. I meet someone through work who happens to be my client and we hit it off, he implies that he wants to take me out, but instead I had to politely steer the conversation back to business and the matter on hand. Yeah, life is a fucking bitch because if it was easy, it would be a slut.

OK pornhub peeps, I want your opinions.

What makes someone fuckable?
What makes someone dateable?

I ask out of curiosity...

Please don't make any assumptions or judgments about me. I am not looking to get my ego stroked and I am also not in the mood to get flaming insults on my blog post. So, be respectful damnit and stick to the matter on hand 😜

And yeah, maybe this survey is a little self-serving, (like what I mentioned in my previous blog comment) maybe I'm just jaded but I haven't had any meaningful connection with guys I've met lately or guys I meet at bars...most of them are only after sex I think & not even interested in getting to know me...I thought I had a great personality but it seems like with some of the guys I've been meeting lately, they just see me as fuckable and not dateable...LOL, maybe I should stop hanging out at internet porn networking sites...hmmm. So where are all the good (but horny) guys at? Do I need to start hanging out at churches and libraries? *cringe* *shiver* Should I be scoping out matchdotcom or efuckingharmony?

Sorry about the sarcasm, I blame the vino.

The music was loud, the bass was thumping, the club was packed, bodies bumping, it was crazy. My friend Tammy and I were trying to make our way from the dance floor back to our spot at the bar when I saw her heading towards me, this vision of long straight dark hair, big brown eyes and glossy pouty lips...I can tell she's had a few drinks by the way she smiling and looking at me with half closed eyes. I smile and politely say, excuse me...I sidestepped but she stepped right in front of me...I let out a nervous giggle as she put her hand on my cheek, she leaned in close, brushing her lips against my cheek, she whispered "hi". I licked my lips and managed to say "hi" back...Her hand that was on my cheek is now traveling down my shirt over my breast and on my waist as she was dancing against me. With her gaze locked in with mine she took my hand and bam, dropped it like it's hot. With her pretty face between my legs, she paused and smiled, blew me a kiss as she slithered right back up against me...This all lasted for a few brief minutes, but it felt like the loud music and the noise from the crowd just away...until I felt Tammy grabbing my hand, pulling me away, telling me "let's go". She gave me a knowing smile as I walked away...

"How's that girl? That was so random, huh?" my friend said. Smiling, all I could say was "yeah, how's that for random..."

As my friend and I were walking over to the other club, I thought to myself, I didn't even get her name...for all I know she was putting on a show for the guys at the bar, and using me as her human prop...and maybe this is just my hangover talkingright now as I write this... But it was interesting, I haven't gotten hit on by a girl before... not like that... and it felt good and I like it...

The interesting thing was I got hit on by another girl, at the other club, as I was waiting in line at the bathroom with my friend Tammy, this pretty girl just looked at me and said..."You're beautiful." Looking at her friend she said, "Isn't she beautiful?...You just have this glow...you're fucking fabulous." And with that she walked away... And Tammy turned to me and said "you are fucking fabulous."

I blame it all on the a-a-ah-a-ah-alcohol..haha. Maybe it's just when last call rolls around, people are more friendly...yeah, I think it's the alcohol.

My version of the 's prayer

Grant me the courage
to flirt shamelessly
yet gracefully through my inebriated state
with the cute guys at the bar

Grant me the wisdom
to say no to one more shot of tequila
and the presence of mind and clarity of vision despite my tequila goggles
to not do things that will result in a morning after walk of shame.

Grant me serenity
to accept that my body
no longer has the alcohol tolerance nor the stamina
to party like it's 1999.

The biggest irony I think is that you always want what you can't have... how some rules just temptingly dangle in your face daring you to break it. And as I keep on discovering pieces of candle wax on my bed, I knew I can't keep doing the Bill Clinton definition of no sexual thing going on...it's just too much incongruity than I can handle and lying to myself is just too taxing.

So it is with a realization that going against the flow is just an attempt at futility. We are all sexual beings (how much more obvious can I get, I'm on a porn site, lol) . Interestingly enough upon revisiting Maslow's heirarchy of needs(physiological, safety, social, esteem, self actualization), sex is right there as one of our basic physiological needs, right along with breathing, food, water, , shelter clothing etc...Although it has to be pointed out that a human being can survive without sex (as far as I know nobody has died from not having sex), shelter (you've seen/heard about Survivor, the reality TV game show right?), and clothing (big shout out to all the nudists in the house).

So, actually, I'm fine, I'm doing alright...I don't really have a right to be bitching, moaning and complaining (well actually the moaning part might not be such a bad thing hehe)...I mean, all my physiological and safety needs are satisfied; the social aspect is also partially satisfied, I have my family and great friends, and the esteem part is partially taken care of (I just got this promotion at work, so yay me!) But the thing is when I don't have work and all the other mundane details of everyday life that keep me busy, on the rare times when I get a quiet moment that's when it creeps up on me...and I get restless and I start jonesing for the wake you up in the morning with passionate slow sweet sex and make you pancakes after...it's not so much missing that other person that was such a big part of your life, it's more like missing who that person used to be, and missing the person that you used to be...passionate, trusting, optimistic and willing to take chances.

My birthday is exactly a month and a day away, and it falls on a weekend...for most people that's a good thing right? Except for, I see a big glaring complication there...I want birthday sex...I am talking about adrenaline pumping, rough, hot, sweaty birthday sex, lots of spanking, light bondage, candle wax and all that (actually I also want that right now)...the only complication is that I've decided a few weeks ago that I'm gonna abstain from having sex for awhile, you know the whole I don't wanna rush into it, because I want the next time to be with the right person...so therein lies my dilemma...

During the that I have been single again after ending an relationship/marriage, I have realized that I may have made better judgments when it came to choosing platonic friends vs choosing boyfriends or a husband...some of the best relationships I have are the ones that remain platonic, the ones that don't involve sex.

Sex intensifies a relationship, but it also complicates it. Sex just fucks it up literally...So on a night when I've been lightly drinking and a little too heavy on the thinking, I've decided that I am gonna swear off sex for at least 9 months. Oh Lord fucking help me, how am I gonna do this since I am fucking horny most of the time? I've had dry spells before but not that long, not 9 months... I mean if I had my way I wanna fuck at least twice a day everyday and maybe even thrice on Sundays. I don't know if this is fucking madness, but it makes sense right now, but being the optimist that I am, maybe when the right person comes along, all bets are off and let the marathon sex begin...

So how am I gonna do it? I don't know yet if it'll work...I am hoping research on what makes sex so damn fucking good, can help me out on this...

"Endorphins naturally relieve pain, lower stress and boost confidence. Endorphins are released by your brain during sex, sporting activities, skydiving, fights, grievous injuries, and almost any other exhilarating activity you partake in."

OK since I am putting a moratorium on sex, my life insurance does not cover death by skydiving, and I must be fucking insane to choose fights and grievous injuries just to get my endorphin fix...I'll just choose sporting activities/exercise and maybe even hit 2 birds with one stone: get a bangin body and get my endorphin fix...So I went to spinning class with my new workout buddy today, it was actually not as hardcore as I expected since I was still able to do 20 mins on the ellicptical and 20 minutes of lifting weights after class. The only part that I didn't like is how fucking uncomfortable those bike seats are, it literally felt like it fucking my punani, although grinding my clit on the bike seat made it feel a little better...man now I have new found admiration for Lance Armstrong's balls of steel for enduring those bike seats...

"Serotonin regulates your moods. Having an orgasm releases an extra shot of serotonin to your brain, which acts as an anti-depressant."

So for my shot of serotonin, this is the fucking reason I am here on porn hub, with my handy dandy, trusty, uncomplicated rabbit/vibrator...

How awesome would it be to get published on the Journal of Sex Research or better yet, work for the grand mack daddy of all sexual research, The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction? Oh just the possibilities alone are giving me multiple orgasms...fuck, I wanna volunteer for some sexual research, you know testing some hypotheses over and over again just to be certain results are conclusive, approaching and looking at it from various angles, oh and let's not forget the data input output input output...

Why have I not thought of this sooner when I was deciding what undergrad major to declare? Getting straight A's on "laboratory" and "research methodology" would have been such a pleasure... and I probably won't mind going at it in order to get my fuckin sexy PhD in Sexual Studies, and I think Dr. McGoodLovin suits me right?...But no, I guess I had to be practical and chose the more lucrative field of business/law, talk about a depressing error in judgment...

So speaking of work, today, jolting me out of my intense concentration while reviewing a contract was a phone call from one of the groomsmen in my cousin's wedding. He just wanted to check if the bridesmaids have made plans for a bachelorette party. It didn't take long for me to figure out what his actual intentions were, basically he wanted to have their bachelor party the same night as our party...So since when have 22 year olds become so devious crafty manipulators/planners? (oh and I say that with admiration & affection btw). In the spirit of equality, he wanted to make sure that our night was just as debaucherous and raunchy as theirs just so there will be no room for accusations and allegations later on. Brilliant! so far I like how this guy thinks...

Haha, so in conclusion and to answer the question "is sex on my mind a lot?". Well, in the spirit of objectivity and truth in research, the answer can only be yes yes yes, oh fuck yes!

So, OK at work we got this new fancy schmancy Xerox copier/fax/scanner that'll copy, zoom, resize, stamp watermarks, make booklets, collate (but not fellate, ha!)etc etc. The Xerox rep came in today to demo the myriad of functions that this machine can do.

However, I only really have one question...where's the ass copy function? You know for those debaucherous nights when you are feeling frisky but you have to come back to the office after some cocktails because you are waiting on a report or a fax... Um, right, I'll just read the manual.

OK so this is not something I can usually discuss in polite company, ya know religion and sex, oh and add politics to the list too...

Cracking the Da Vinci Code: practicing Catholics are masochists...

So I was watching the Da Vinci code (and despite the bad reviews, I still wanna see Angels & Demons when it comes out on DVD). So it dawned on me, devout practicing Catholics are masochists, and I know my , I used to be a practicing Catholic. C'mon seriously,and the whole requirement for priests and nuns to be celibate, that is unnatural and dare I say the most restrictive and Sadistic rule.

I could be wrong about this, and I may need to research more about it, but it makes sense how S&M could be an offshoot, a natural consequence of the restrictive rules of Catholicism...

For those unfamiliar with S&M or SM(in BDSM)...Sadism is getting off on causing other people pain (kinda like you Ex) and Masochism is getting off on receiving pain (like 1L law students, ok I should think of an example more people can relate to...um, like someone who really enjoys being in boot camp, still kinda hard to imagine?, ok your dad...ha). S&M doesn't have to be getting off in a sexual sense, but I have to admit there is something kinda edgy sexy about leather lace-up corsets and whips...

One thing that needs to be clarified: S&M is not , it has to be between willing participants. And there has to be a safety word, hmmm maybe mine should be pineapple...

So pain as an aphrodisiac...pain in a sexually charged situation where endorphins are running through your veins creating a natural high, maybe people who do BDSM are on to something here... I guess when you are all good and horny your body is in this euphoric state and is a little impervious to pain...The only thing that comes to mind that I've experienced is when you fuck for hours, like the energizer bunny you keep going and going, and the next day when the endorphin wears off you're a little sore and kinda walk a little funny, but hot damn you'll still have that smile on your face 😉

I used to wonder why my boobie profile in this "facebook of sex" has more friends than my regular social networking profile. I ask out of curiosity, not out of narcissism or as a fishing expedition for compliments. I guess it just comes as a surprise because I've always though that I've got more going on in terms of my wit and personality. I've always been called "the smart one", that was my comfort zone...being comfortable in my skin, that on the other hand, is still a work in progress.

For most of us here, are we a little more uninhibited because we are hiding behind a veil of anonimity? Or is it more basic than that, something in the tune of "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel", sorry I digress... But as one of my so-called friends bluntly said "Because I can't fuck your personality, your boobies I can fuck or jerk-off to."

There is no doubt that sex sells... the more gratuitous display of T&A is bound to attract more attention. Porn has become mainstream, and I'm just thinking that isn't it ironic how evolution is, the more evolved we have become, the more accepting we have become of our most basic instinct... Sex: thinking about it, thinking of ways to get it, thinking of ways to make it kinkier and better...oh, go ahead, just jack of already 😉 and don't worry, I am NOT offended by your dick avatar.

The sight of a hot and sweaty body, glistening with sweat pounding away on the treadmill for 45 minutes straight tells me that that is a guy that can keep up with me and please me for quite a while. Stepping off that treadmill with a lithe little movement like stepping off a surfboard or a skateboard while giving me a nod, aaah, and of course wiping off the machine after you use it tells me that you are considerate and thoughtful....I so wanna take you home and have you show me a good work-out.

It's not for everyone, it's definitely an acquired taste. Somehow I feel like tonight is just the perfect night for it...we just came home from the gym, and the rush of endorphins, it's pumping through my veins, making me feel all giddy, and sexy... So why not just lose my inhibitions, tonight's the night, why not just give in right?


I hesitate for about a minute, I look into her eyes searching for a , she bites her bottom lip and her eyes glaze...Is that hesitation that I see reflected in those warm caramel brown eyes? She's had it before but I just couldn't tell if she's in the mood for it...Should I pick up the phone, and have our other friend come over?


I on the other hand could never be more certain, I know that deep down inside I want it, and there's no denying it. The tension from the past few days have been building up...my days are always busy with things to do and accomplish, but the evenings, that's my special Metime to just relax, unwind, and work out the kinks...


So with slightly trembling hands, I reach for the very thing that my body has been thirsting for, I uncork it, and I know there's no turning back as I take a walk on to the wild side and explore the pleasures of a Menage a Trois, surrendering to the seduction of this sinful blend of dark, rich Zinfandel, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon...

And yeah, I guess I have to finish the bottle, she wasn't in the mood for red wine tonight, my friend, she's more of a Reisling or White Chardonnay kinda girl anyway...


Why, what were you thinking?

Don't you feel like sometimes what your body is craving for is human touch. The sensations of warm, skilled, sure hands working their magic on your body. Sometimes it just gets so crazy, so out of control, you feel your head spinning, and you just want to be pounded. Pounded, till every fiber of your body is satisfied. Touching, soothing, kneading your flesh into submission, taking you to the brink of ecstasy and back... And the only thing left to do is for you to just surrender to that blissful feeling that overcomes you. Mmmmmmm.........

Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?

My thoughts exactly, when I picked up the phone earlier today to book my hour and a half deep tissue massage on Saturday. It was stressful at work today...